August 30, 2010
Oh my God, why? Have I not done all these things at Your Word? Have I not loved You with all I have, with all I am? I know I fail You. Oh my God, I am so sorry. I can’t get the job done for You. We are known by our fruit. I am but a wasteland. I look around (I again, am sorry) and I see others, whose ways are an abomination before me and You, and yet they have, and receive increase. Oh my God, I do not want others to be hurt or not have, but these things come as stones upon me… Mountains of adversity, deceit, grief.
YOU have brought me devotionals about anger… even toward You. Is this so? I love You! YOU are all I have, all I want, all I trust, all I need, all I seek! It is Your love, Your face, Your arms, Your provision, Your words, Your guidance, YOU I want for me! If this is envy, anger, strife, bitterness, whatever wicked way in me, take it from me. I feel that I am the adulteress, a prostitute of ill repute. Slay me Lord, that I may be cleansed, Glorified in YOU! This sin of mine Lord, I do not want. I beg forgiveness.
Oh my God, but what am I to take from this injustice? What am I doing wrong? Perhaps, You love him more. You love him more! On my face I cry… “Oh my God can I have the scraps, the overflow? Whatever is left over from Your table, I will gladly take.
Oh my God save me, from myself. JESUS!”
So I was given… a Beacon
August 31, 2010
As I awoke, I heard a great voice… “He has been given what he has asked for. Yours (blessing) is higher… what you have asked for.” Oh my God, if this is You, make it crystal clear to me… and it was then, I was given “a beacon”. A great light filled me, my sight, and I saw what appeared as a lighthouse with a windmill propeller projecting brilliant, gradient beams of light across my area of vision. The outgoing circles of movement were swift, steady, bright… and I was blessed.
…from prison to prisms
Thank You Abba Father! Thank You Jesus! Thank You Holy Spirit! I LOVE YOU!!! I deserve nothing, but You give me You… EVERYTHING!
And after the blessing, the instruction… Daily Devotional “Releasing Guilt”. (see below)
I too, like Dr. Charles Stanley, grew up with the Thou shalt nots, a constant weight of guilt and worry, and the burden of rules…