“I AM… Grace”
“Oh my God… Have I not done all these things at Your Word? Have I not done all I could to spread Your Word, go where You’d go, be holy for You are Holy, loved them like Jesus, to shine light HIS way? Have I not? Then WHY? Why have You kept me here? People say I am too much, too bright, too loud, too passionate, too out-of-the-box, too spiritual… But my God, what do YOU say? Is it possible to be too faithful to Your cause, too spirit-driven, too in love with YOU? Say it’s not so! Is it possible to strive for less than the righteousness of which I read in Your Bible for life? Can I know and proclaim too much of the Scriptures, the laws and guided reading You have laid on my heart? Have I not sought You early in the morning and there remained my goal to be in Your presence throughout the day?”
“I know that it is You Who searches the heart and knows the mind of the spirit. And that it is You Who causes all things to work together for good, for those who love You, those called according to Your purpose.” (Romans 8:27-28) I have heard a spiritual leader say that others know better of where one’s heart and spirit for God lies… what’s best for you and HIM. I say “that is a lie”. And that if you proclaim too loudly any matter of heart or faithfulness for Him, you WILL FALL. I say “should I not try?” My soul desire is to worship, love, and serve You my God, my Lord, Your Holy Spirit… I wish to never know and trade the spirit of another, for my own. I know the secrets of my heart for You Lord, the longings and the grievings, the love-felt piercings that have been tattooed on my heart. As for the condition of others… God knows!
“I know it was You who was with me… through the desert, through the wilderness, in the valley, and on the mountain top. I have testimonies too numerous to count reflecting Your lovingkindness and favor for me, even me. Because it’s me! And as I pray now in the garden, I know… It was, it is, and it will always be… YOU God!”
And as the prayer of Jabez brings a prayer home…
Oh that You would bless me indeed (more, more, more), and enlarge my territory (out of the box, through the walls, to where You say “Go”), that Your hand (both of them) would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil (all that is unnecessary), that I may not cause pain (Lord take me first before I give a poor witness of You). 1 Chronicles 4:9-10
And through the spiritual pain and disillusionment, the insignificance, the distractions, the frustration, the “I”sight distortions, and the exhaustion of despair, I heard a Word… “It’s not about you. It’s about ME”. “I AM… Grace”.