Who am I?

Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my house, that You have brought me this far?
[2 Samuel 7:18]

“Oh my God, who am I and what am I doing here?” 

For so long, I have engaged in an endless pursuit of HIM.  I want to speak only His Word; go where HE says “Go”; be wherever HE is; know what HE wants known, and show what HE wants shown.  I want to sit at His feet, carry His oil, breathe Him in… to shine His light ‘your’ way… 

I thought I had the answer to… Who am I?  “His”, of course!  Y_E_S!…  But, I am not HIM!  As much as I loved, desired to serve, was willing to “Go”, and ‘show’ them like Jesus, I was not Jesus.  For every ounce of love, service, witness, and territory I cover for Him, is but a drop in the bucket of HIS  LOVE, HIS SERVICE, HIS WITNESS, for HIS KINGDOM! 

I would cry out… “Oh my God… Have I not done all these things at Your Word?  Have I not done all I could to spread Your Word, go where You’d go, be holy for You Are Holy, try to “love ’em like Jesus”, to shine light Your direction?  Have I not?  Then WHY?  Why am I here?  Why am I invisible to what matters most… You?”

 “Why!”…  Because HIS ways are higher; HIS gifts more precious; HIS sacrifice a Lifeline, HIS love… the greatest!

I am the least… here.  But, I find contentment in this now.  Furthermore, a comfort in knowing what matters most… Jesus! [Matthew 19:27-30]

My passion for the Christ was/is so loved by God, but I had/have a long way to go before I truly see Him.  “Being confident of this very thing, He who has begun a good work in you [me], will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” [Phil. 1:6]  Thank You Lord… there is Grace!

“Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my house, that You have brought me this far?”  In my endless pursuit of Him, His answers, His guidance and directions, I missed a vital part of the plan…  “me”! 

In my search of “me”, I found revelation… “Who am I for HIM!” becomes “Who am I in HIM?” and “Where do I fit [based on this status], to the kingdom?”  HE formed and fashioned me, just me, to be “me” [Psalm 139].  There’s a lot of me here, so…  Must I conclude that “It’s not about me”, to be [sometimes] about me?

I am not God!  I was not with Him in the beginning and I can do nothing apart from HIM now.  No matter how much I love Him, HE loves that much more…  No matter how much I give or serve Him… and for Him, HE gives and serves so much more!  [Philippians 3]

SO… Who am I, and what is my house, that God has brought me this far?  Well, I have to start with some givens/givings…

     The Lord has placed a love in me for HIM, that as much as it is challenged, I will be a conqueror in Him who strengthens me and intercedes on my behalf [Phil. 4].  Jesus holds me with commitment and speaks “Father, this one is MINE!”  “I love her.”  [This good part is not about me and who I am, but about HIM and who HE is!  HE is Grace!]

     To love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, is my greatest passion… To see, hear, be with Him, even if in the physical it kills me, is my ‘soul’ desire.  By Faith, I can do all things, through Jesus who strengthens me.  My God shall supply all my need.  If I am not well, HE has my cure.  If I have a battle, it is His armor I wear.  When in doubt, it is His wisdom and guidance I first seek.  The path I must walk, is straightened by His direction.  My trust in Him alone, brings me assurance.  There is peace, joy, love… Him.  By FAITH, I can do all things…
[Luke 10, Philippians 3, Philippians 4, Ephesians 6, 2 Chronicles 1 & 20, Matthew 6, 1 Peter 2, James 1, Proverbs 3]

     My Lord speaks to me that He ‘saves me for Himself’.  How I dance at this prospect!!!  “Oh my God, may I never know another intimacy, as great as this.”  It is by Your Hand, that I receive…

     Having been a survivor, by His grace, of emotional, spiritual, psychological, and physical pain, I am called to exhort and when God wills, heal, those of similar plight.  I do not have a gift of eloquence, rhyme, or rhythm of speech for prayer… but between my Lord and me, my communion with Him is unparalleled.  I would not trade ‘our talks’ for any other’s psalm.

     My Lord, may I report Your Good News to the people?  May my office exemplify and be forever open for Your Business!  Lord, enlarge my territory for You [2 Timothy 4:5, 1 Chronicles 4:10]…

“O my God… I want to go where You go, be where You are, say what You’d say, do what You’d do and do it Your way.  My spirit cries out… Show me the door I must pass through, the chamber I must enter unannounced, a leader to impress You upon, a people to discern over righteously, a battle to fight in Your honor, a prayer my heart may speak, a meeting to intrude… that I may Sit at Your feet, Carry Your oil, Spread Your Word, Shine light Your WAY, Seek Your TRUTH, Honor Your LIFE? Praise JESUS!”[…excerpt from “5:16” Jan. 7, 2011] 

    My Jesus, may I always hear and profess Your heart, as You love and profess it!  I so desire to carry Your oil; give honor to Your presence; do ‘great things’ for You; and be prepared for Your and my reunion [Luke 10].  May I always KNOW when it is You who calls, and feel the prompt of Your leading.  May I always trust in Your WORD [The Holy Bible] and script it on my heart, as a Guidebook to Life.  Father, may I forever see, profess, and walk to the Spirit… YOU!   Putting no confidence in self, I press on to the goal.[Phil. 3]

     Having received nothing without Him, I am blessed to witness and discern the Spirit fall, on those who love God, those called according to His purpose [Romans 8:28].  It sparks and ignites my own spirit as I experience the Lord’s handiwork.  We are One in the Spirit, we are One in the Lord.  Praise Jesus!

     Just as there is a Holy Trinity comprised of God the Father; Jesus the Son; and the Holy Spirit that guides, there also exists a three-prong attack by the enemy.  If you are not for Him then you come against Him; the three… satan, the world, and our own ‘flesh’.  We/I must be vigilant in prayer and communion with God, accountable to The Spirit, that we may stand firm against the fiery darts of the evil one(s) [Ephesians 6].  In the name and confidence of JESUS, I pray deliverance… Oh Lord! 

And so I conclude…

In my pursuit of Spiritual Happiness, having prayed with what felt like unceasing petition, today, I find Answer…

Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my house, that You have brought me this far?

And by His definition… I am HIS!

Love You Lord, with all the heart You gave me…  jams4JESUS

“Yet who knows whether we have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” [Esther 4:14]


About jam4JESUS

I... 'will seek [First] the LORD my God, and I will find Him if I seek Him with all my heart and with all my soul.' Deut. 4:29 I... 'shall love the LORD my God with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my strength.' Deut. 6:5 I... 'Trust in the LORD with all my heart, And lean not on my own understanding; In all ways... acknowledge Him, And He shall make my path straight.' Proverbs 3:5-6 I... 'remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you' 2Tim. 1:6 I... 'thank God, whom I serve... without ceasing... I... remember YOU in my prayers night and day,' 2Tim. 1:3 I... am to 'Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let my requests be made known to God' Phil. 4:6 I... KNOW: 'I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.' Phil.4:13 'My God shall supply all my need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.' Phil. 4:19 'My GOD will never leave me, nor forsake me.' Heb. 13:5 JESUS so loves me, this I... KNOW
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