“If you had not seen “it” with your own eyes, would you have believed “it”? If you hadn’t ears to hear, would you have heard “it”? If your heart was not broken, would you know you had one to open “it”? And if your life was not shattered, would you have come to Me to fix “it”?”
It was Thursday night, a little past midnight, when I had laid my head down to sleep… that I couldn’t. All I could hear was a storm raging around me. It seemed to me that it was war, and not a natural one… but spiritual. There were moments when I had almost drifted off to sleep, when I could swear I heard the sound of a lion roar. I heard screams, bangs, and ripping waves. The sound of the wind was far stronger, louder, and more threatening then I had ever heard before.
I thought “This was the day!” This was the day so many proclaimed would be “The End”. I chuckled & said “Shouldn’t I be concerned?” I wasn’t. It was officially December 21, 2012 and all that I could see was still here and when I say here I mean “HEAR”. First came the wind, then the rain, and then… silence. I was asleep.
At a time I do not know I was awakened from a bad dream, I think. Because all I could do was cry…
Lord is this a dream? Is this life of mine really real or is this merely [mirrorly] a nightmare? Oh God, it’s really real~ no dreams allowed! WHY? How can this be? I love You above all others. I pray to You daily for wisdom & discernment and seek You first~ to do it right the first time and Your way? And I have begged You beforehand that if “it” isn’t right, to not let “it” happen. So I have to ask, “Why is “it” all wrong?”
And I have to wonder… Did I not do my time with “it”? Was the child abuse… not enough? Was the 15-year food addiction… too much? Was the 18-year marriage to the love of my life… long enough? And Lord… what do I make of this current nightmare? What on Earth do I call “it”? You know I didn’t sign up for this and had I known, the answer would have been “NO”.
So here I am, after the fact… Is it too much to expect from Your creation that I be loved, valued, protected, and cared for? Aren’t “family” suppose to be Your hands, feet, heart, and when necessary Your mouth… here? And if nothing else, shouldn’t others see the You & me and love me anyway by association? Shouldn’t that be… more than enough?
Oh my God, haven’t I had enough of “ENOUGH”? Why haven’t You just taken me… when I asked? Why am I still here?
Lord, You said You came to give me life and life abundantly… this can’t be it! How on Earth can my testimony possibly glorify Yours? People look at me and think “Where is your God now?” And it breaks my heart that they do not see that I live extravagantly where it matters most [with You]. I am so very thankful & blessed everyday for You in my life and without You there is nothing… no love, no joy, no purpose, no direction… nothing.
I have much to be grateful for… Though I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, I still live to tell about it. I have fallen on hard times, yet I look around and see so many others enduring harder. I hear so little grace these days, but I have heard exceptions to the “RULES”. I have found my steps before me paved with You, and I am amazed still at how You find favor in even me, no matter my [un-favorable] status. THANK YOU LORD!
But every once and awhile, in the middle of the night, I awake… “Lord Jesus, my life is more suited for life among swine, with my table a troth~ then life and consumption from my Father’s table… entitled as “daughter of a King”. I would gladly accept the scraps from Your table, but Lord, why this troth? Father please, I want to come home and this isn’t “it”!”
And then “IT” happened, I was reminded with…
I am a King, and yet, My first residence was a barn, My bed a manger… a troth… a table… for even the likes of swine.
If you had not seen “it” with your own eyes, would you have believed “it”? If you hadn’t ears to hear, would you have heard “it”? If your heart was not broken, would you know you had one to open “it”? And if your life was not shattered, would you have come to Me to fix “it” at all?
You’ve asked why you are still here and you question with “enough”. But if you had left the times you’d “had it”, would “it” have been ‘enough of Me’… for really real LIFE happily ever-after or just “The End” of misery?
You ask Me why this troth? If “it” had not been so, would you still see the possibility of Me… throughout “it” all?
In this way…
“It” had to happen!
A Christmas challenge… Make plans “each to his own city”~ to return to The Father’s House and be counted among “Family”.
Luke 2 (NASB)
Jesus’ Birth in Bethlehem…
Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. 2 This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. 3 And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city. 4 Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, 5 in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child. 6 While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. 7 And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
8 In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; 11 for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” 13 And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,
14 “Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”
“IT” had to happen… in this way!