A Mother’s Prayer…

“For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him.”
(1 Samuel 1:27)

I personally can attest to the fact that a mother’s love and prayers go way back, sometimes even before our beginning. So today, I’d like to share with you one such prayer, spoken twice, that I didn’t even know I had in me. (“Hmm, I wonder if Hannah had felt the same way.”)

There was a time not all that long ago, when I could not call myself “a mother”.  Some of this was self-inflicted, and sometimes not. (I’d spent a couple of decades crusading that I would never get married or have children. I have learned now to never say never.)


The History and the Pain

I had lived through and learned enough in my life to know better, and that I didn’t ever want to revisit “Hell” (divorce, bitterness, fear, isolation, poverty, abuse, addiction- Mom’s, mine, or anyone else’s, etc.); nor go to “war” (the world of abnormal rearing) once again, or lead others through there either. (Sadly at this point in the post, it appears I’ve failed all the way around.)


God’s still Bigger!!!

“Thank God!” He tells a different story with a totally different ending for us all, and I can prove it!!!

The Lord has blessed me with two God-sends in the form of a daughter and a son (in that order). And although I could say the same about them, having to walk through Hell (subject to divorce, bitterness, fear, isolation, poverty, etc…), they also, wear it differently with Jesus. They both have far exceeded my expectations, especially when they have grasped His. They may not be perfect, but they are close to Him.


The True Giver and Comforter

Let me remind you once again, I didn’t do this. He did! And I’m not talking about their dad here, either. (Although, he’s a good one.) I’m referring to our Father who art in Heaven.

Amazingly, the answered prayers had taken place years before either of them were born, unbeknownst to me; so to hear for the second time that my pregnancy would end in miscarriage- “there’s no heartbeat”, it didn’t crush mine. And although my first miscarriage was by far the most painful and lonely experience I had ever encountered in my life by that point- this second time, it was a beautiful breeze from God in comparison.


The Foundation

 I’d been driving down the road leading to Lowville, listening to one of Dr. Charles Stanley’s c.d.’s on Eternal Security- Can you be sure? (I’d miraculously found Dr. Stanley and In Touch Ministries when I was flipping through the TV channels just before my first miscarriage had occurred.) When I seemingly, had drifted into a deep prayer to the Lord. And at that moment, He reminded me of a prior conversation, when I’d finally abandoned my own mission (to never have children), but instead, made heartfelt petitions to be blessed with one. I surrendered at that time, my fear of childbirth, parenthood, and all the mistakes I could make. And for the first time in my adult life, I began to trust in Him for all of it.

The Prayer

So on that road to Lowville (truly a Damascus experience) leading to an ultrasound that would determine the life of my child, I asked the Lord one more time, but this time- with one exception. As much as I wanted to have a baby (to add purpose to my heart, life, and my marriage), I didn’t want one unless it was His baby first.

“Lord, you know my heart, what this means to me, and how much I want this baby to make it.  But- if it is not Yours and always will be, who will join You and me in Heaven someday, please don’t let it happen.”

I knew even then, there was absolutely no way I could do this, raise a child, unless He was with me and them. (It would crush me sometimes even after the children were born, when I’d gaze at them, and plead with the Lord that one short lifetime here with them and Him, was just not enough for me.)


The First Blessing…

As I had already given the spoiler in the beginning of this post, the prognosis from the doctor when I’d reached my destination that day, was a second miscarriage. The difference this time, though, was a peace that transcended beyond all my understanding and surrounded me with an unexplainable joy. I’d felt remarkably good about it. And within two months of the miscarriage, although the doctors told me not to try so soon, I was pregnant again. My beautiful daughter, Hannah, had made her debut a few days shy of Christmas. “God is so good!!!”


… and the Second!

As for my son, I can tell you an equally blessed experience. I’d had a third miscarriage between my daughter and son (and it was shortly before I’d become pregnant for him- a month this time). And it was also suspected after the fact, that my son was probably a twin (they run in my family on my Dad’s side). The other apparently didn’t survive the rollover accident I had in my vehicle trying to get to work in a blizzard. The same accident that totaled my car and I walked away without a scratch on the outside of me. It was a miracle that anyone found me in the first place. But “thanks” to Nancy Robbins, and the Old McDonald’s Farm farmhands that were driving by in a farm truck with broken windows that made them unable to roll up, I was. (God’s plan totally trumps anything we’ve got!)

On the road again…

Now back on that broken road which leads to Lowville, I was praying my heart out to His once again, that familiar prayer…

“Lord, you know my heart, what this means to me, and how much I want this baby to make it.  But- if it is not Yours and always will be, who will join You and me in Heaven someday, please don’t let it happen.”

And even though I was sure that I’d miscarried a fourth time (as I’d felt like an expert by then), the same doctor looked at me and said… “I can tell by just looking at you that you are still pregnant.” 

Hearing his (and His) heartbeat, proved it!!! (And what a beautiful sound <))) the heart of God, and all who are in it, makes!)

In his due time, my son was born… “Praise the Living God!!!”

The Blessing Continues…

As great as all this sounds, I can speak now of a greater blessing. I can look straight into the eyes and heart of both of my children and say with absolute certainty…

“You would not be here right now
if you were not God’s child, first!”

Sure! They are attacked ferociously by the enemies of the Lord as children of God, suffer periodic doubt as they see the circumstances around them, feeling the pinch from their surroundings, knowing this is not our home— just like the rest of us. But rest assured, they know exactly whose child they are, and that He, their Heavenly Father, is with them always. 

♥ ♥ ♥

You just can’t put a price on the peace, and eternal security, that transcends all understanding.

Please keep in mind that I had nothing (or at least nothing divinely significant) to do with the series of miraculously ordered events that took place. I could not have dreamed any of this up if I’d tried. And also worthy of mention, I am thoroughly blessed that He did not allow me to mess it (them) up, also.


The Prayer Continues…

I pray today, the same for you… Whether you are a mother (parent) already, so want to be, or are blessed right now to be carrying His child and yours…

Pour out your heart to the Lord our God, our Creator, the One who loved us first (we were His first)! And when “it’s time”, you can bless them with Jesus and tell them how they are His, too.


The Conclusion

I can share with you now something that I, or the doctor, could not at that time.   We were unaware of a probable condition of mine that involved hormone levels, preventing my pregnancies to progress and the fetus to grow. It appears that the failed pregnancies just prior to the live births had a hand in making it possible for my children to make it to term and thrive still today.

Who knew? Only God! And now, I’ve shared with you two of the many reasons I love, praise, and worship the Lord my God with all of my heart.

And as for you and your house, I pray…

May the Lord bless you indeed,
and enlarge your heart, your faith, your life, and your family. That His amazingly gracious hand be upon you,
and that He’d keep you from all evil.
No more unbearable pain!

“God Bless YOU!”

Hannah’s Vow

Then Elkanah her husband said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?”

So Hannah arose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the tabernacle of the Lord. 10 And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish. 11 Then she made a vow and said, “O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head.”

12 And it happened, as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli watched her mouth. 13 Now Hannah spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli thought she was drunk. 14 So Eli said to her, “How long will you be drunk? Put your wine away from you!”

15 But Hannah answered and said, “No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord. 16 “Do not consider your maidservant a wicked woman, for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief I have spoken until now.”

17 Then Eli answered and said, “Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition which you have asked of Him.”

18 And she said, “Let your maidservant find favor in your sight.” So the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad.

Samuel Is Born and Dedicated

19 Then they rose early in the morning and worshiped before the Lord, and returned and came to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the Lord remembered her. 20 So it came to pass in the process of time that Hannah conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel, saying, “Because I have asked for him from the Lord.”

21 Now the man Elkanah and all his house went up to offer to the Lord the yearly sacrifice and his vow. 22 But Hannah did not go up, for she said to her husband, “Not until the child is weaned; then I will take him, that he may appear before the Lord and remain there forever.”

23 So Elkanah her husband said to her, “Do what seems best to you; wait until you have weaned him. Only let the Lord establish His word.” Then the woman stayed and nursed her son until she had weaned him.

24 Now when she had weaned him, she took him up with her, with three bulls, one ephah of flour, and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the Lord in Shiloh. And the child was young. 25 Then they slaughtered a bull, and brought the child to Eli. 26 And she said, “O my lord! As your soul lives, my lord, I am the woman who stood by you here, praying to the Lord. 27 For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him. 28 Therefore I also have lent him to the Lord; as long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord.” So they worshiped the Lord there.

(1 Samuel 1)


About jam4JESUS

I... 'will seek [First] the LORD my God, and I will find Him if I seek Him with all my heart and with all my soul.' Deut. 4:29 I... 'shall love the LORD my God with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my strength.' Deut. 6:5 I... 'Trust in the LORD with all my heart, And lean not on my own understanding; In all ways... acknowledge Him, And He shall make my path straight.' Proverbs 3:5-6 I... 'remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you' 2Tim. 1:6 I... 'thank God, whom I serve... without ceasing... I... remember YOU in my prayers night and day,' 2Tim. 1:3 I... am to 'Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let my requests be made known to God' Phil. 4:6 I... KNOW: 'I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me.' Phil.4:13 'My God shall supply all my need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.' Phil. 4:19 'My GOD will never leave me, nor forsake me.' Heb. 13:5 JESUS so loves me, this I... KNOW
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